In the mist of a trial

As many of you know I am a very private person -Sometimes to a fault. I do not find it easy to talk with others about my struggles or fears, although there have and are many. Part of the reason is that I look around me and I see so many who struggle far greater than I - that the trials I face seem so minimal and unworthy of mentioning. Yet even in the midst of these trials I know that God sees my needs and provides for me in ways I could never image.

In Sunday school Bobby is teaching on the love of God and how we cannot even begin to image the depth of the love He has for each of us. He asked us to share a time in our lives when God showed His love to us (other than our salvation). Many in the class shared about how He worked in their jobs (in providing and directing them). Others shared about specific moments when God provided for them financially when there was no income or a blessing of an unexpected gift that helped pay for a bill. It is amazing how God knows each of us so personally that in every single moment (no matter how small we deem them to be) He knows and CARES about us far greater than we could image.


April 26, 2008 was a turning point for our family. In many ways it has been one of our greatest trials. It has stretched our faith and our marriage. It has brought us lower on our knees then we have ever been brought before. Fear and doubt have had to be claimed and captured many times over. I have seen the man that God gave me broken to a point where I feared I would never be able to reach him again. I have cried for understanding that I knew I would not get nor deserve. I have knelt before God unable to even speak the words that thundered in my heart, yet knowing He knew every syllable which I longed to cry out to Him. We have prayed countless hours for strength, peace, grace, and open hearts for a family who we will probably never know and who will never again be the same.


Yet through it all Bob and I have been so encouraged, humbled, broken, and thankful for the love and encouragement that we have received through this past year. People we have never met before have called and prayed with us and sent letters of encouragement. We received love from almost every corner of the globe. Family members have cried and encouraged and given strength to us. In the early days following the accident men of our church family and members of Breaking Barriers (Bob's band) came into our home and poured out prayer over my husband and our family. We have been humbled by God's AMAZING and unspeakable love that He has shown to us through the hearts of so many of you.


This week I have struggled with stopping the panic that unexpectedly grips my heart. Without warning fear takes control of my thoughts, even for the briefest of moments. Yet I am in awe as God provided friends who shared a card of encouragement, a word of prayer being offered on our behalf, and a simple hug which gave so much strength.


We are still in the midst of our trial, yet I know this day that God is far greater than I could ever think or imagine Him to be. Yesterday morning I came across the above video and it put into words what my heart longed to say to God. I pray that it will encourage and strengthen you as well.



I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.
(Psalm 121)