Grace On Rainbow

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The "What-If's" of Life . . .

Are there any among the vanities of the Gentiles that can cause rain? or can the heavens give showers? art not thou he, O LORD our God? therefore we will wait upon thee: for thou hast made all these things.
Jeremiah 14:22

Do you know for me some of the hardest situations to get through in my life have not been the trials themselves, but rather the unstoppable fear and doubt that creep into my mind and even my heart. One minute I am praising God for who He is and how much He has blessed me and then my mind wonders to all of the "what if's" of life and fear begins to take over. Just today I was thanking Him for the unmeasurable grace that He continues to show me and then I began to fear the "what if's" of life.

These past few weeks I have been thinking a lot of a young mother/wife from our church who lost her battle to cancer a little while back. I truly can say that I never gave it much thought because I was so distant from it, other than politely asking how she was and sitting and talking with her when time allowed. However, now that I have become a little more personal to the word "cancer", I have been thinking a lot about her and what her life was like those last few months.

As we await the biopsy results, I wonder what it must have been like for her and her husband to sit across from the doctor time and time again with yet another suggested treatment or test result. As a wife I would think one of the hardest things to do would be to look at my husband and know that I would not share another day with him . . . I would not hear of his day, or get to enjoy the way he holds my hand, or to lie next to him and have our quite talks in bed. I watch my children and think, what if I don't get to see them grow up and have families of their own . . . what if I'm not here when my daughter "needs" her mommy? How is my son going to know what kind of woman he should marry?

She must have thought about all those things . . . and yet she still remained faithful to God. It's not that I fear the results of the's more that I fear the results of what could happen from the test. I want to see my husband grow old and hold hands with him when we are 90, I want to see my son grow up to be the strong godly leader I know he will be, I want to help my daughter pick out her wedding dress and watch as she brings her first child into this world. I want all of that and more and yet I know that I have no more control over all of that than I do the results of the test.

That is when God brings me unmeasurable grace. In those moments when life gets burdensome and I want all MY wants . . . He gently reminds me that even if my wants are not His wants - He still will remain faithful and I can forever lean on His strength. . . . that is unmeasurable grace!