Grace On Rainbow

Friday, November 19, 2010

A Mother's Fear . . .

As a mom it is going to be difficult to let my children go into this world, not because I don't think they are prepared, but because I know what this world is and the evil in it. I think most moms fear this for their children. Yet, we as Christians are called to once again step out on faith and trust God for the leading and guidance of our children. However, if I am to be completely honest with you, I do wait for this day with a great deal of anticipation and anxiety. Every birthday that passes, I am reminded that I am one year closer to releasing my precious children into their future of sorrow, joys, heartache, and laughter.

I have a picture of every holiday having them safe and sound at home with everyone gathered together enjoying old memories and making new ones. I see grandbabies bouncing and playing and the joy of our love filling the house. I see them traveling to grandma's house to bake cookies and eat lots of unhealthy stuff (you know like their grandmas do now). That is why it was so hard for me to hear the words of my son a week ago . . .

Noah: "Mom, can I tell you something?"
Me: "Sure." (I have come to realize that anything can follow this question.)
Noah: "Mom, I think that God is calling me to the southern part of Africa."
(He literally said the southern part . . . when did he grow up on me?)
Me: (tears beginning to form . . . silent prayer) - hmmm okay God how do I teach my son to trust your leading if I am not willing to do it myself. "Well, He just might be."
Noah: "I think that He wants me to go and be a missionary there and Mom this is the hardest part . . . "
Me: (tears still there) .. . . how could anything be harder than those words for me to hear. "What's that?"
Noah: "I think He is telling me that I am going to have a wife and she is going to come with me."
Me: (smiling with tears) "That wont be the hard part buddy."

* * * Fast Forward two days - sitting at the drive-up window at the bank * * *

Noah: "Mom, I need to tell you something."
Me: ohhhh nooooo - not again. (another silent prayer)
Me: "What's that buddy?" Looking back I see tears pouring down my son's cheeks.
Me: "What's the matter Noah?"
Noah: "I can't tell you right now." (a few moments pass)
Noah: "Mom, I just feel like God is saying to go to Africa now, like He wants me to drop everything and just go."
Me: (starting to cry) "Well honey, God knows that you can't go right now."
Noah: "But I feel like that is what He is telling me to do; that there are people there that need me now."
Me: "Noah, God isn't going to send you to Africa or anywhere else until He has prepared you to go and right now you are still too young. Maybe there is something else you can do to help."
Noah: "Like what?"
Me: "Well I'm not sure right now, but there are lots of things that you can do right here to help. We will have to look for something we can do to help from here."

God, you know every spec of dust upon this earth that You alone have created with your very hands and heart. Father, help me to trust You in the leading and guidance of my son. Help me Father that I will look to your design and plan for my son and not my own selfish desires. Father, open my eyes to the eternal importance of the life you have breathed into Noah and realize that no matter how great my love is for him, that yours is vastly deeper. I pray even now that you will prepare not only his heart but my heart so that I will encourage and lead him to walk in your will alone.

And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. Psalm 9:10