Grace On Rainbow

Sunday, May 15, 2011

A New Path . . .

I have struggled as to whether I wanted to write about this and I have actually started other posts, but couldn't finish them, but I want this time in my life to be a time when I rejoice in what God is doing not what I wanted Him to do.

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. Romans 5:1-5

11 months ago on July 17, 2010 we received 3 amazing little guys into our lives. It was followed by much fear, tears, laughter, hugs, kisses, crying, and patience. It was a time in our lives that God used to show us areas in our own lives that we were failing at, and still are, and a time for our family to be challenged. I watched my two AMAZING children step up and sacrifice their time, space, and parents to give to 3 little boys who needed us for a season in their life. I watched a 3 year old look up to my son as the big brother he needed in his life. I watched my daughter become "little mommy" and change diapers, feed bottles, and kiss boo-boos. Were their struggles - most definitely, but God once again showed His mercy and grace and we began to see not just 3 lives changing, but 7 lives being molded and shaped by God's own hands.

But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand. Isaiah 64:8

When we began the fostering/adoption journey, I realized that just like not being in control of having our own biological children, I was no more in control of what would happen at the end of this path. People have often told us that they could never foster because they could never give them back, but now as this path comes to an end, I could not imagine not walking down it - not being their for 3 slobbery, running nose, precious, amazing little guys.

And now as we journey through this final week I think . . . did I love them enough, did I take enough time with them, will they remember this time, can I let them go because as much as I know that they were only ours for a few precious moments, there is still a very real part of me that cries out "these are my boys and I don't want to let them go." Yet once again God's unimaginable love shines through and I realize that no matter what tomorrow brings, He is and will always be faithful to me today. So I will grab every hug, cherish every kiss, remember every "I love you mommy", and pray with more fervor that He will change the life of a mother who will be receiving the most precious gift she could ever hope to get - another chance at being these little guys' mommy.

Today in junior church (Noah is in our class - what a lucky kid right?) we asked for prayer requests and my son's prayer request was that his mom would not be sad this week as the boys go home and that I wont cry too much . . . my sweet, amazing, loving boy - I cannot promise there will be no tears, but I will try to rejoice in what God has done in our lives these past 11 months.